This feels like a good time to start talking about my future plans for 2024-2025.

I'm going back to school in T-2.5 weeks. At 29, 5 years out from my first Bachelor's Degree, I didn't anticipate I'd ever be starting anew. But ultimately mental health ended up being a bit of a weird fit for me.

I wouldn't say I haven't fit into the field at all. In fact, I think I'm pretty good at my job as a counselor. But it feels like I'm trying to wedge myself into a tight spot that I wasn't properly shaped for.

Mental healthcare was never my dream. I always wanted to make art, make games, work with technology... I entered college with the intention of doing so. But at the time, I was being weighed down by an abusive partner who didn't like the idea of me working in a "male-dominated field." And this person worked in that field... I thought I could live vicariously through them while working in a field they approved of.

It depresses me to think that someone else's insecurities stopped me from ever pursuing my real interests. I try not to think about it as time wasted. I've built some important skills as a counselor. The experience taught me to expect more from a partner, and I'm happily married now to someone who has never tried to box me in or control me.

I'm better for it overall. I can't regain the time I've lost, but I can move forward.

So I'm taking Calculus I, Linear Algebra, and Chinese I-II this semester. If I pass Calculus and Linear with a B or higher, I can apply for Computer Sciences. Meanwhile, I'm working on a portfolio for a dual degree in computer-based fine arts. I am feeling the pressure. I am doing my best to bend but not break.

I've been watching Cal I tutorials on YouTube. About 2-3 hours per day. I'm working on pixel art and my website (both portfolio pieces) every day, little by little.

I'm picking up Mandarin so I can speak a little with my in-laws, I hope. My spouse's mother just found out her cancer has metastasized. I hope I can speak with her, even if just a little bit, before she goes. I need to study and do my best.

Did I mention I have 2 jobs? I'm doing all this while working. My only respite is the 1-1.5 hours of reading I allow myself before bed (and then the 8 hours of sleep my failing body requires to wake up the follwing morning). I love reading and I'm excited to post a discussion for this book once I finish it (tonight, most likely).

I'm not a stranger to to putting relentless effort into the pursuit of a goal. I'm officially celebrating 2 years sober in a couple weeks!